


outlast the rain

by sunsetveins



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Guilt, Implied Relationships, Implied Saphael, M/M, Time Travel, but also kinda, i guess there's, i guess??, idk how else to tag this, im very tired, max feels guilty for knowing things, my favorite tag is, so im gonna use it because there is angst and the ending is happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 03:23:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12312810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetveins/pseuds/sunsetveins
Summary: “My poor boy,” Magnus murmurs, slowly shaking his head. “It's okay. It's okay to know and not to tell us. We made it through it once. We can do it again.”“I wish you didn't have to,” Max confesses. “I wish that you didn't have to outlast the rain to see the rainbow.”“Oh, but the rainbow is only as beautiful as it is because of the rain, my dear.”-orthe five things Max's family asks him about the future and the one thing he tells them on his own





	outlast the rain

**Author's Note:**

> it's like 2 in the morning and my vision is blurry, so i apologize for any mistakes you may find. i'll fix them i promise :)

_1 : Simon_

 

They've been searching for a way to send him home for over two weeks when Simon approaches him, and Max is surprised it's taken him this long to work up the courage. 

“I have a question,” Simon blurts out as soon as he's in front of Max. It's apparent to Max that his uncle would be flushed red if he was able to blush. 

“And I probably have an answer,” Max says, smiling encouragingly. 

“Is Raphael okay?” Simon asks, quiet and uncertain. “He probably still hates me, and that's _fine_ , you know? _I get it._ But just, I don't hate him? I keep telling everyone that I do and I even try to tell myself that, but I really don't and I just need to know that even if he hates me, even if I'll never be able to go back home, he'll be okay. I need him to be okay, Max.” 

It's the desperation just slightly hidden by the despair in Simon's tone that causes Max to take as long as he does to respond. 

He's never heard his uncle talk that way. He's never heard him use that hopeless tone, one that speaks of loneliness and acceptance. It's startling in a way that Max has become familiar with in the past two weeks. A lot of things about this version of his family are startling, surprising only because Max knows the version of them that has battled these demons and won. He's familiar with the version of them that felt these things, spoke in these tones, and overcame them. It's hard not to tell them everything, to wait for them to come to him like Simon has. He vowed to answer the questions they asked, but never to reveal anything beyond that. He wishes they'd ask him to tell them everything. He wants so desperately to save them from things they don't even know they need saving from. 

He wants so desperately to save Simon now. He wants to tell him everything he knows about Raphael and the betrayal and Simon's home. He wants to spell it all out for him, so maybe he can spare him just a little bit of the pain he has yet to go through.But that is not what Simon asked of him. 

“Raphael is more than okay, Uncle Simon,” Max grins, painting a picture of ease that causes the tension to drain from Simon's frame. “Sometimes he even smiles.” 

Simon snorts, throwing his head back and laughing like he just can't help it. “That's something I'll have to see to believe.” 

“You will,” Max says, the only hint he can give thrown into the space between them. Simon's laughter fades and he seems to search Max's face for answers that the young warlock cannot give. 

Whatever he finds there, Max hopes it's enough to get him through until the future is his present. 

“Want to help me search through these old books on demon pox and pretend we're actually contributing to getting me home?” Max asks, holding up a dusty book and waving it in the air with a smile on his face. “I think Will Herondale wrote notes in this one, and those are always entertaining.” 

Simon allows himself to smile back at Max and takes the book. “I was made to pretend to do work.” 

 

-

 

 _2 : Jace_

 

It's his uncle Jace that comes to him next. Max really thought it would be Izzy. 

He isn't prepared when Jace comes to him, is the thing. There are a million things that Max wants to tell Jace. There are even more that Max _needs_ to tell Jace. He can't actually tell him any of them, and it's a problem for him. He isn't prepared. He thinks that if Jace asked him a vague enough question, he'd give him all of the answers just to make sure he covered every base. 

Max is weak when it comes to his uncle Jace. There are many people that Max loves, many people he'd gladly give his life for, but he doesn't love any of them quite like he loves Jace. It's different from how he loves his dad, just like his love for his dad is just a little different from his love for his papa. The way that Max loves Jace is more. Not more than he loves his dad. Not more than he loves his papa. Just _more._ As simple and as complex as that. 

And it's a problem. 

“Hey, kid,” Jace greets as he sits across from Max at a table in the Institute's library. If Max is reading more books that Will Herondale has scribbled in, then he really can't be blamed. He's fairly certain there are no answers to time travel in a shadowhunter library. 

“Uncle Jace,” Max nods, closing his book. He gives Jace his full attention. He knows why he's here. 

“Would you mind if I asked you a question about the future, kid?” Jace asks, almost like he's giving Max a choice. 

“I know you well enough to be certain you'll ask me anyway,” Max responds. “Go on, then.”

Jace hesitates, then asks, “Do we win?” 

There are so many answers that Max can give. He's certain the question is vague enough that he could convince himself he was only following his own rule. He forces himself to make the question more specific, despite the need to spill all of the information he knows into Jace's lap right then and there. 

“That depends. Do you win what?”

Jace shrugs, trying his best to appear like he doesn't care. Max can see right through him. He sees the Jace that no one else ever really seems to. The broken boy with a bleeding heart that loves too much, too fiercely, too obsessively. He sees the Jace that would remain if he were to be stripped of every layer he's piled on to make himself _Jace Herondale, the hero._ He sees Jace Herondale, the man. The boy. Because that's what he is. Jace is as old as Max in this moment. He's only a boy. 

Max wants to tell him everything. Angel, he wants to tell him that he's a Herondale, if nothing else. He just barely keeps himself from doing so. 

“Do we win this war? Do we kill Valentine?” Jace questions, almost whispering. 

Max freezes, staring at Jace with wide eyes. He's only just realized what he won't be able to say. 

He can't tell him about Sebastian. 

Numbly, Max answers Jace's questions. 

“Yes. Yes to both. You win this war. You kill Valentine. Yes.” 

Jace tilts his head, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. “Why do I feel like there's something you aren't telling me?” 

Max stands and his whole body is trembling. He blinks back tears. “I'm not telling you so many things, Uncle Jace. I'm sorry.” 

He runs out of the library before he can break down and tell him everything he knows that he really shouldn't. 

_You win this war, and you win the one after that. You kill Valentine, but Sebastian is alive and he's so much worse. You go through more pain than you ever should've had to. You kill Sebastian, but not before he kills your little brother. Max is dead._

 

-

 

 _3 : Magnus_

 

The day after Jace causes Max to have three panic attacks and spend his whole night searching frantically for a way home, Magnus knocks on the door to the bedroom Max is staying in at the Institute. He isn't the worst one that could've shown up, that title belongs to his dad, but he is the second worst. 

Max really isn't in the mood to keep things to himself. Magnus shouldn't have come. 

“Let me guess,” Max says as he sits on his bed. Magnus sits across from him in a chair and only stares as Max pretends to ponder. “You have a question for me.” 

Magnus nods, a soft smile on his face that Max would normally find comforting. It only frustrates him now. 

“Go on, then,” Max snaps. “It seems I have all of the answers these days.” 

“What burden are you carrying around like you have no family to help shoulder the weight?” Magnus whispers, reaching over to grasp Max's hand. He lets him. 

“I know so much, Papa,” Max chokes. “I have every answer and no one is asking the right questions. Jace asked me if you win this war. _This war._ And he doesn't know, Papa. He doesn't know that this isn't the only war he needs to worry about. He doesn't know what he's going to lose. He doesn't know what there is to gain. I do, though. I know everything and I could save you all so much pain, but it's dangerous and I swore I'd only answer the questions that you all ask. But it hurts to keep it to myself. It hurts to look at Jace and know what he's about to go through, and be powerless to stop it. There is no power in knowledge, Papa. There is only pain.” 

It takes him a moment, but Max realizes what that salty taste in his mouth is. He's crying. 

“My poor boy,” Magnus murmurs, slowly shaking his head. “It's okay. It's okay to know and not to tell us. We made it through it once. We can do it again.” 

“I wish you didn't have to,” Max confesses. “I wish that you didn't have to outlast the rain to see the rainbow.” 

“Oh, but the rainbow is only as beautiful as it is because of the rain, my dear.” 

Silence settles between them as Magnus moves to sit beside of Max on the bed. He pulls Max into a hug, and it's only in that moment that Max allows himself to accept his circumstances. 

His family will be okay with or without his knowledge. The upcoming storm is one they know how to weather. What happens will not be his fault. 

He can assure them of the existence of the rainbow if that is what helps them get through the rain. 

 

-

 

 _4 : Isabelle_

 

They're closer than they've ever been to an answer when she stops him in the hall. He braces himself for a difficult question that would have too many answers. That is not what he gets. 

“Is Alec happy?” she demands, a look so deadly serious on her face that he's almost intimidated.

Yes. He supposes that's the answer to her question. Max's dad is so much happier than the Alec from this time. He's calmer and smiles so openly and genuinely that it's almost devastating. He laughs a lot more than this Alec, who seems too stressed to even process the idea of a joke. If Max was going to answer the question just based on general observation, then yeah. He'd say his dad is happier than he's ever been. 

Instead of doing that, Max ponders the real question. Is Alec happy? Is he happy in the present? In the future? Is there any reason for Izzy to lose any more sleep over her older brother's happiness?

Max thinks that the answer is the same. Yes, Alec is happy. Yes, Alec will be happy. Yes, even as stressed and tired and lost as he is in this present, he is happy. He'll be happy for a long time to come. 

That's exactly what he tells her. 

“Alec is happy,” he confirms. She stares directly into his eyes for a few moments before nodding and continuing in the opposite direction down the hall. 

And really, he should've known that his aunt Izzy would ask about her brother's happiness. She'd never even think of asking about anything else. 

 

-

 

 _5 : Alec_

 

They've found the answer and are in the final stages of preparing for the spell when Alec finds him. 

Max is sitting on the floor in Magnus’ kitchen, and it's really odd to think of it that way. It's the same kitchen that Alec made smiley face pancakes in every morning. It's the same kitchen that Magnus almost burned down in an attempt to make popcorn without magic. It's the same kitchen that he and Rafael covered in glitter one evening when they were experimenting. It's his kitchen, but right now it only belongs to Magnus. 

Max hates time travel. He can't wait to go home and tell his papa to stop trying to solve it. 

“You okay?” Alec asks, sitting down beside of him on the floor. It makes Max smile. 

This is also the same kitchen that Alec and Max had all of their deep talks in. The same spot on the floor they'd sat in so many times. 

Max misses his dad so much that there's a constant ache in his chest. He hates time travel. 

“No,” Max answers truthfully. “But I'll be home soon.” 

“Do you like your life there?” Alec inquires. “At home, I mean?” 

“Yeah. I love it there. Not that here isn't great or anything. I mean, it's the same place? And you're the same people? It's just, that's my family. They mean everything to me.” 

Alec grins, slow and wide. “I get it. I'm sure you must miss them an awful lot.” 

“I miss them so much that I can hardly breathe. I miss you,” Max admits. 

“Me?” Alec questions, appearing slightly startled. 

“You. I don't know if I've told you this, but you're kind of my favorite person. I miss you, dad. So much it hurts.” Tears burn his eyes as he finishes speaking, and he fights to keep them from falling. He's almost home. 

“Oh,” Alec breathes. “That's - uh. That's a lot. A lot to - um. To process?”

“I'm sorry,” Max says, and a tear escapes and runs down his cheek. “Shit, I'm sorry, Alec. I keep forgetting that you aren't my dad yet.” 

“Hey,” Alec leans over and brushes the tear from Max's face, “shh. Don't worry about that. I am your dad, Max. Maybe not yet, but I am either way. It's a little overwhelming, I'll admit. But I asked.” 

“You did,” Max laughs, watery and choked. “You did ask.” 

“Exactly. All you did was answer. No harm done, alright? Now wipe away those tears and let me ask my obligatory future question.” 

Max scrubs at his eyes and looks at his dad with a smile on his face, even though he's slightly terrified of whatever he's about to be asked. 

“Are you okay?” 

That's the question. Alec could ask any question at all, and that's the question. 

Max loves his dad so much it's overwhelming sometimes. 

“More than, dad. I'm more than okay.” 

Alec grins, “Good. That's all I'll ever worry about.” 

 

-

 

 _+1 : Max_

 

There's a portal in front of him. This portal will take him home, to his own time with his own family. He's never been so eager to step into a portal in his entire life. 

He almost just leaps through it as soon as it appears, but he'd made his mind up just a half hour ago when he was sat with Alec on the floor. There's something he can't leave without saying. 

And so, even with his ticket home causing his hair to ruffle, he turns and faces them. 

“I told myself I'd only tell you things if you asked, that there had to be a limit because anything else was too dangerous. I stuck to that as much as I possibly could, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. But I have to tell you something before I go. I can't wait for a question on this one.” Max breathes in deeply and straightens his posture, allowing a smile to spread across his face. 

“You're going to be okay. For awhile, you're going to wonder whether you'll ever be okay again. There will be many times where you'll think the answer is no. But I promise, you will be okay. It's going to be hard, and you're going to hurt in ways you never imagined possible, but you will make it out and everything will turn out okay. If you don't take a single thing I've told you seriously, please take this as seriously as you possibly can. You'll be okay. You'll make it to my present. This is a certainty that I need to give you in a time where there will be none. Everything turns out alright.” 

He looks at them all one last time before he spins around and disappears through the portal. 

He told them everything they needed to know.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed it :)


End file.
